I sometimes think I’m living my life all wrong. This may sound strange because when you think of it, there is no “right” way to live life. We do have socially and religiously imposed codes of conduct that vary by culture but every single one of those rules seems to have exceptions (like English grammar, but I digress).
Maybe it’s that every rule or “code of conduct” for living life is on a spectrum. For example: killing is bad, except some people are OK with abortion, others not; killing during wartime is generally accepted, except for people who are complete pacifists (might I tell them about ISIS?); we have the death penalty, which is greatly contested all over the world. So while we have these rules, there is a wide range of thoughts on how to live and opinions on them. I don’t know if I can say what is right…who am I to impose my values and belief systems on people, all I do know is that I do indeed have my thoughts and beliefs and I have to be true to myself. I also know that I cannot hurt others, I hope this to be a universal value but I’m afraid it is not.
Back to what inspires the thought of living life wrong. I am a very reflective person. I often look around and observe my life and the lives of those people around me. While I can never fully understand what others are going through, I can learn from other peoples’ decisions and the route their life has taken consequently. I also compare. I have these degrees, experiences, life milestones (how we seem to measure success in our society) and while I may not have the traditional milestones that other women of my age do (husband, house, mortgage, etc), I do have my happiness, my experiences, my friends, my memories, and the peace of mind that I did it my way. One of the song’s on the album of my life is Frank Sinatra’s “My Way,” have a good listen to the lyrics:
At the expense of sounding incredibly religious and fatalistic, I ultimately believe that there is a rhyme and a reason for everything we do. Maybe it’s a product of our personalities, the “cards we’re dealt,” our own desires, fears, limitations, etc. I don’t believe that our destiny is written in the stars but I do believe that every choice we make and decision we take is the fulfillment of our destiny. How was I to know that by accepting a job, I would gain the experiences and meet the people who would perfectly set me up for the next chapter in my life? I didn’t but that’s just it! (This makes me think of the movie, “Butterfly Effect” from 2004. If you haven’t seen it, you might want to check it out as it beautifully illustrates this concept, the idea that one decision takes us down a certain path but had we chosen a different option of the same decision, our life would be somewhere else entirely.)
So while I sometimes observe my friends, peers, etc. and accept that my life may be considered “non-traditional” by some, I am content with it and happy with my choices. Because at the end of the day, I made the bed in which I sleep, I have the liberty and independence to make my own choices and if I’m unhappy with something, I can change it but I am happy and what more could a soul ask for?