“What will survive of us is love.”
Hello from Mill Valley, a small town in Marin County, just north of the Golden Gate Bridge. I came up for my California grandma’s Celebration of Life; she passed away in October. She had a great run in this world and loved to party. So naturally a huge party was the best way to celebrate her. Her daughter—my aunt—arranged for 20 lbs. of See’s chocolate arranged on beautiful platters and spread all over her house, over 40 bottles of sparkling wine, the mixings for vodka tonic—her drink of choice along with sparkling wine, and the party was also catered so people could have some food alongside their drinks. There were over 200 people present and I guess that is the love that survived Marlene as the epigraph above says.
One father and son pair made BBQ’d oysters. It’s their family’s tradition and it was a perfectly wonderful way to honor Marlene. I hovered around the BBQ—having never BBQ’d oysters I wanted to learn how. They explained. You put the oysters on the hot grill unopened. As they heat they will begin to pop open slightly. That’s when you use the oyster shucker to open them entirely. The oyster has a deep bowl looking shell and a flat one. It is growing a “foot” onto the flat shell and you want to slice that off (oyster meat off flat shell) and put it in the bowl-like shell. At this point you add a dollop of BBQ sauce or garlic butter and let it grill a few more minutes until it’s ready to eat. I noticed the guys were adding vodka…maybe that’s where oyster shots come from?
When events like this happen in our life it’s important to allow ourselves time to explore what we’re feeling. Losing a person we love—while it is not easy—is bound to happen. Everybody deals with grief differently and I’m no psychology expert but I’ll share my two cents. Of course, I cried and on occasion find myself brushing my teeth and thinking of a great story I want to tell Marlene only to realize I can’t pick up the phone and call her. Alfred Lord Tennyson said “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have never loved at all.” And I wholeheartedly embody that. This is what I get for loving someone and how beautiful and amazing is that?
I leave you with the ending of the poem “In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver:
To live in this world
you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
So love people and spend time with them. Tell them you love them and shower them with gifts, even if it’s just a flower you pick on the side of the road, like my mom says. And when it’s time to let go, know to let go because what survives the mortal body is love.
Now go call up someone you love—your friend, neighbor, etc. and make them some BBQ sauce for your favorite meat…even oysters!
Vodka BBQ Sauce
- 1 tbsp ground cumin
- 2 tbsp vegetable oil
- 1 tsp fresh ginger, peeled and grated
- 1 garlic clove, pressed
- 1 1/4 c. ketchup
- 1/4 c. soy sauce
- 2 tbsp sugar
- 1/2 c. vodka
Toast cumin in small skillet over medium heat until it turns dark in color and begins to smoke, about 2 minutes. Set aside.
Heat the oil in a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Add ginger and garlic; sauté until very fragrant, 3-4 minutes. Add the remaining ingredients (ketchup, soy sauce, sugar, and toasted cumin) and bring to a boil, whisking gently to blend. Reduce heat to very low, add the vodka, and simmer for about a minute, whisking constantly and carefully.
This BBQ sauce can be served on BBQ’d oysters or roasted vegetables, your favorite cut of meat, etc. Enjoy!